Holiday Meal, Jed Owen
The year-end holidays are upon us, and we are all looking forward to gathering with our families and friends over the next couple of months. This is an ideal time to discuss estate planning with your parents, grown children, significant others and siblings. These might include questions like,
Who has will? What does it include? Who are the executors?
Are legal guardians appointed for children under 18 in your family?
What are end of life wishes for the elderly members of the clan?
Are there any significant family heirlooms that need to be discussed?
As these can be a difficult subjects to broach, we have some suggestions on how to organize the conversation. You can do this!
Schedule a Time
Long-term health plans and family finances are not appropriate to bring up while passing the turkey, so it’s best to schedule a time when you can all be together separate from holiday festivities. During a recent family gathering, my friend scheduled a trip to the funeral home with her parents and siblings where they went through the process of choosing caskets and a tombstone and talked through funeral arrangements and wishes. Although initially awkward and difficult, she said that the time together was also riddled with humor and memories and all of them agreed that they were glad they made space for those important conversations. So however you organize it, be honest with everyone about the purpose for the meeting, share the topic you will cover in advance and allow time for family members to get their thoughts organized.
Explain Why We Need to Talk About This
There can be a lot of embarrassment in discussing finances, health, and death within a family. Open and supportive communication can help get past this hurdle. Make it clear that this isn’t about greed or being nosy with other people’s lives. Instead, it’s about making sure that everyone is on the same page with their long-term goals and ensuring that wishes will be respected and honored. Dollar amounts are not necessary to the conversation if that is not possible. The conversation should not be aggressive or contentious. Rather, choose words that are encouraging, and that strengthen confidence in the process ahead. Be sensitive with phrases like,
I know this can feel difficult to talk about
I respect your view
We can work through this
This will take time and we will figure it out
Talk About Estate Planning Documents
Ask your family members if they have set up a will or trust, and a durable financial power of attorney, and share your own information. If they have not yet had these documents drawn up, discuss what concerns they have. Are they worried about cost? Are they struggling finding a lawyer they trust? Do they have anxiety about making difficult decisions? Sometimes having this conversation with supportive family can help resolve these hurdles. Make a plan as a family with how to proceed, and set realistic deadlines for completion.
Talk About Long-Term Health Plans
In addition to asking about health care related documents (a health care power of attorney, a living will, etc.) make sure you know yourself what your loved ones want regarding their own health plans, and share your own wishes and goals.
Have you thought about long-term care, and how that would work financially?
Do you know how the family should proceed if someone isn’t capable of making their own decisions?
Have you talked about what will happen if a person loses mental capacity due to dementia or illness?
This can be a difficult thing to discuss, but will prevent grief and contention later on if it is addressed early.
Remind Your Family that You Love Them and Keep the Conversation Going
Discussing estate planning is a way to build family ties and show respect for people’s choices regarding their assets and health. This initial conversation will need to become an ongoing conversation that allows you to respond to changing needs and challenges as they arise. Understanding everyone’s needs and goals clarifies how to proceed and prevents potential conflict. It may feel difficult at first, but it will strengthen your family long-term.
Working with a professional as you navigate the decision process can often make a big difference in positive outcomes. Often, having a 3rd party can help bring sensitive topics into the open and add clarity.
If you have questions regarding your estate planning and its relationship to your family’s needs and legacy, we would be happy to help you here at Hillsborough Wills & Trusts. Our goal is to provide you and your family with the highest quality Estate Planning.